Avoid the Needless Suffering of Assumptions!
Good Morning My Loves,
Have you ever had someone make an assumption about you that was false? Have you had them build a case against you, tell others what they think you had done, or not done in some cases, and then all that poison come at you? I have. It stinks! To assume means: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
We went through a season as a staff several years ago where insecure people were “coming out of the woodwork” as my daddy used to say.
It seemed that we were constantly trying to clear up the misunderstandings and needless drama of those who took things personally, assumed the worst, and created drama for nothing! It was living hell.
During that season several of our pastors, including myself came to church with a lot on their minds and in a hurry to get to their post. On several occasions I was exhausted and trying to get a meal put together to feed Pastor Rick who also works in floor covering and often doesn’t get home until late. I would try to get out of the building without my regular 20 min routine of hugging everyone as I leave the building. Because I did something out of the norm due to “having a home life that needed to be tended too,” an insecure person would assume that I didn’t want to speak to them, I ignored them, I walked right past them, I don’t love them anymore, I’ve got a problem with them, I gave them a dirty look as I walked past them, I must hate them, them, them, them, them, them………, because it is all about them after all! I’m using myself as an example, but this happened to a number of my leaders.
These individuals started gossiping about us, created cancerous cells, and transferred poison to others, who also started making assumptions about us. Many of them didn’t survive and left the church offended, believing their twisted stories that were based on assumptions. They believed the lies, got offended, failed to communicate with us, and became a casualty of the initial insecure person’s assumptions.
-Clear communication, not taking things personally, and not making assumptions would have eliminated a lot of drama!
I’ve always taught my children and staff, “Silence is the breeding ground of assumption, and assumption is the breeding ground of offense. So communicate and don’t assume anything!”
When our assumptions become vain imaginations we:
-Set ourselves up for suffering.
-Erode and destroy relationships. Henry Winkler is famously quoted as saying, “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
-Misinterpret what people say and do, and turn it into something personal and negative.
-We don’t perceive things the way they really are. Instead of truth, we believe lies and imagine the worst. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves, because we believe they are true! WE MUST BREAK ALL AGREEMENTS WITH ASSUMPTION!
-Expect people to know what we are thinking and feeling without clearly saying what we need. Then, when they don’t respond the way we think they should or meet our un-communicated expectations, we get upset. We say things like, “You should know me by now. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
-We get into a lot of fights with people that we love over dumb misunderstandings.
Assumption dies in the presence of questions, and clear communication. It destroys the fabricated mental stories we tell ourselves about people and situations, cancels chaos and emotional poison, brings clarity and unity.
It’s at the place of unity that God commands the blessing! I wonder how many commanded blessings, and how much loss of peace, has been held up because of assumptions and offense!
Psalm 133 (NKJV)
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brethren to dwell together in unity! (Live together in peace)
It is like the precious oil upon the head,
Running down on the beard,
The beard of Aaron,
Running down on the edge of his garments.
It is like the dew of Hermon,
Descending upon the mountains of Zion;
For there (at the place of unity) the Lord commanded the blessing—
Let’s not play into this demonic trap by coming in agreement with our assumptions. Let’s not be afraid to ask for clarification when we don’t understand something. We can’t love nor represent Christ well when we are prone to making assumptions.
-Mature people ask questions, they don’t assume anything.
-Insecure people don’t communicate, and they assume everything.
Let’s be mature and save ourselves and others the fallout that comes from assumption.
I love you all! PV